06 How to Stop Playing Small (and start feeling worthy)

How to Stop Playing Small: Career & Business Advice for Black Women

If you’ve been wondering how to stop playing small in your career, business, or life, you’re in the right place.

As Black women, we are often told — directly or indirectly — to shrink our vision, lower our expectations, and take what’s “safe.” But the truth is, playing small robs us of our purpose, our joy, and the legacy we’re here to create.

In this solo episode of The Career Love Podcast, I share my personal journey of recognizing when I was playing small in my own business — and the bold shift I’m making to step into my next level. You’ll hear real talk about how unworthiness can keep us from going after what we really want and practical ways to shift into a mindset (and strategy) that aligns with your true vision.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• How to identify the subtle signs that you’re playing small

• Why unworthiness shows up in your career and business decisions

• How to break free from toxic jobs and clients that don’t value you

• My personal vision shift — and why claiming it was scary but necessary

• Practical steps to start walking fully in your worth today

Join the Career Love Community

If you’re ready to stop playing small for good, the Career Love Community is your next step. It’s the place where ambitious, purpose-driven Black women come together to create aligned careers, businesses, and lifestyles we love.

As a member, you’ll get:
✅ Live group coaching sessions every month
✅ Business and career strategy trainings
✅ Monthly work groups to implement what you’ve learned
✅ Access to a supportive network of Black women who get it

Start free or upgrade for even more access — either way, you’ll find the clarity, confidence, and community you need to step into your Black Woman Bliss Era.
👉🏾 Join the Career Love Community Today

✨ Watch the Black Woman Bliss Webinar

Want to go even deeper on how to stop playing small? In the Black Woman Bliss Webinar, I’ll guide you through creating a clear vision for your next chapter, actionable steps to get there, and the mindset shifts that will keep you from shrinking your dreams.

💌 RSVP and secure your seat now: 
👉🏾 Watch the Black Woman Bliss Webinar Now

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TRANSCRIPTS

*AI Generated Transcripts*

Mercedes Swan (00:00.174)
Hello, beautiful. This episode of the Career Love Podcast is all about Black Women Are Worthy. And yeah, it's finally a solo episode again. So I'm super excited to dive into and wrap up our topic for the last couple weeks where we've been exploring what it feels like and what it looks like to feel worthy of whatever you want in your life. So I did have to put on the crown for those watching.

So if you're new here, are you new here? This is my love letter. This podcast is my love letter to the 9.8 million black women in the workplace who are seeking to change the world and are typically building a career, business or lifestyle she loves. And today we are examining some of the things that I've been going through personally. I can say that this period in my life feels like a little bit of a transformation in terms of...

who I feel like I am and what I'm doing. And so I'm sharing that with you all and sharing some of the things that I want you to think about as you consider whether or not you feel like you are worthy in your life. So to put it briefly, I'm not gonna air out all of my business, okay, my spiritual work on the internet, but I'm gonna tell you that I had a realization a couple of weeks ago that the identity that I thought that I was gonna have as I launched my business has really changed.

And the sad part about it, which it's not really sad. We all come and grow and like learn about our journeys and like what we're feeling and how we're thinking. But I realized that there were little signs that I was dropping in the way that I was moving and how I was feeling that I was ignoring them ever since January. And if you know January is when I quit my job and said, hey, I'm doing this thing, the career love coach, I'm doing the career love business thing full time. And so.

I was just ignoring all of these little signs here or there, but I fully accepted it now and now it's about normalizing that identity and I realized that I didn't want to lean into that identity or that dream that I had for myself because I didn't feel like it was possible and I think a lot of times when we don't think that things are possible, we also don't feel that we are worthy of them. We don't feel like we can pursue them. That we'll be one of the ones who make it, okay?

Mercedes Swan (02:17.314)
that we're gonna be successful or we're gonna have the right income or revenue. And I'm not just saying that for business, I'm also saying that for career as well. And so we're gonna talk about some of those things in this podcast episode. But ultimately what I want you to know and what I want you to leave from this episode is to start asking yourself what is it that you feel that you are not worthy of right now and how is that impacting your life? I know for so many of us we pursue and chase things that we think we are worthy of.

but it's not really our desire. And so my goal for you is to leave this episode saying, you know what, I'm gonna go for what I want and I know that I'm worthy of it. Okay. Okay, so I really wanna just start off by saying like unworthiness as a feeling or an idea is one of the biggest things that keep us out of alignment with our purpose. It keeps us away from achieving our goals because we don't pursue the thing that we actually want. And if we are spiritually led and guided and protected,

it means that we're also not going to be able to do the thing that we are chasing. And so we just spin our wheels, right? And so I'm going to go into it a little bit and that at the beginning of this year, January, 2025, I most identified as an individual who was a coach who primarily provided coaching services, who was a DEI professional, but was kind of, excuse me, a DEI and HR professional. It was kind of leaving that identity behind to become a full-time career coach. And

I will say that not much of my mission has changed in terms of who I'm here to serve, black women, you fabulous women, okay? That is not changing. But I think what is changing is how I choose to live out that vision. And one of the words that's been coming to me all year is impact, impact and success. And I think what that means for me is I know how much energy and love I put into my career, my one-on-one career coaching clients and mentees, and that's not gonna change.

But I am gonna pull back from that a little bit because of this new identity. And this new identity is wrapped up in a couple of different things, which is having broader reach and having content that all black women from all walks of life and backgrounds have access to like the podcast or my YouTube video or my TikTok videos and LinkedIn, all of the things that I create means that more black women have access to information that we don't have like career development.

Mercedes Swan (04:39.518)
or how to build a business while you're running your nine to five and the other graces that we don't get as black women that other people do that we take home with us that does not allow us to build a business successfully and that's one of the things that I've gone through. And so I know for me, at least right now, how I'm feeling is that I'm actually gonna step away from career coaching, a lot of one-on-one career coaching. Now clients, if you're watching this, is not you. Y'all my girls, I'm rocking with you, okay?

But I think that for the time being, I'm gonna step away from accepting new clients because I really do want to build this presence. And I say that because I'm gonna manifest with you as I'm recording this podcast episode is that I do want to now position myself as a teacher and a thought leader and a content creator who's speaking and traveling and has so much content that's just widely available.

And of course there will always be people who choose to work with me and join the CareerLove community and get like plugged into my vibe and plugged into the space that I'm creating, the transformational space by the way that I'm creating for black women. But I know that that's such a different energy and it doesn't, again, it doesn't change my mission. It doesn't change who I am or what I do in terms of how I relate to you all on the internet. But it is a different shift for me to identify so much differently and what that will.

what that might mean. And to be really clear about this, like, what is the thing that I was feeling unworthy of? I was feeling like I could not build a successful career based on just content creation or speaking or being able to full-time travel. And I know that in terms of my energy and what I want to do, I know that I don't want to be stuck to a computer as much as I love my clients. I love y'all. I love y'all bad, okay?

And I know that I was meant to work with you all, because you all are just beautiful. But I know that at the end of the day, I'm meant to live this very adventurous life. And that does not mean being stuck to a computer. if you've been here for a while, you know I am very much committed to a digital nomad life. And so all of these things have been bubbling up. We're at the beginning of the year. I really streamlined the coaching services. I was like, I'm going to offer two things.

Mercedes Swan (06:56.149)
Then I started kind of repackaging things and offering different things in the community and focusing more on the community's growth. And so I realized that those little notes, like little tiny things that I was telling myself that I was making this shift and I didn't know. But I would say that because I was doing so much coaching and building the community and all of these things, my content creation really suffered. I mean, not in a good place. I've gotten lots of growth. Like, my gosh, like I have more than, I think I'm at 14K on.

TikTok and 12, almost 13K on LinkedIn. YouTube's another thing, okay? We're coming for you YouTube, okay? We're coming! 10K on YouTube, I'm manifesting it right now. But all of that said, it's been so much growth, but also at the same time, I haven't been able to put the energy and dedication into that. And if you're feeling like me lately, like energy's been a little bit off. So that is the new vision that I have for myself, and I didn't feel like I was worthy of that. Like I didn't think I could do it.

And it literally is this week as I'm recording this podcast and I hope this like says something to you that's like hey if you've been hearing things like really listen to it because You might get to where I was which I was really frustrated trying to figure some stuff out Okay, don't get frustrated listen to yourself. Okay, so So I got my little notes, okay I always have my notes and I want to talk about just the ways that unworthiness might be showing up in your career and your business

And how you can start to shift some of those things. So I think I put three. Okay. I put three in each section. So for career, I always talk about this idea that we take home so much of our career, right? We take the worthiness that we are shown in our career and we say, oh, that's a product of me. That is what I deserve, right? I didn't deserve that promotion or that raise or people don't really value me. My supervisor doesn't appreciate me. And we take that outside of work.

and we take that into our daily lives and we take that onto what we decide to do next, which is like, girl, no, the system was never designed for you to trust that you are valuable, okay? And that leads to unworthiness. So let's break down a couple of the ways that that might be showing up in your career and some things that you can do to shift that. So the first one is promotions. How do I put this? So as black women, I think that we don't go for promotions enough.

Mercedes Swan (09:24.235)
And I think it's because we are afraid of the rejection. But I also don't want to gaslight you by saying, oh, it's all your fault. You didn't go for the promotion because we have been seen how undervalued we are in so many ways, shapes, and forms that we just don't go for it. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? And so I think that sometimes we don't see ourselves as being the person that can lead others, as being the person that can oversee the projects and the programs because

We have just been told so many times that we're not enough or we've been nitpicked or we've been micro, sorry, what is that called? Micromanage. We've had all of those experiences that would lead us to believe that we can't do the job and so as a result we never ask or we just stay in roles that they don't serve us. We shouldn't be there anyway, okay? So one of the things is if you are feeling unsettled or bored or unchallenged,

in your role, like I would ask yourself like, is it time for you to really move on to the next level or a different role? And one, why is it that you have stayed where you are so long, right? And I have this conversation all the time about, you do not have to stay in a position for more than a year. Like this is the environment that we are in and employees are just not loyal. So staying doesn't often lead you to greater outcomes for staying in a position longer.

So if you're in a position where you feel like you have skilled out, like you have learned all that you need to learn, like move on, go get the promotion, move somewhere else, go to a senior role. It doesn't mean you have to move into management, but like stop staying stagnant, like you deserve more and you deserve to like truly experience all of your potential in the workplace. So there. Number two in the career section is choosing the wrong job.

So some of us know that we are meant for more. Some of us know that we have a purpose or a passion that is tied to a particular career path. So for me, when I was going through this, I was always in human resources. I went from a generalist to talent acquisition and executive recruitment. And then I moved into management, right? Which was a great move for me, like career path wise. But then when I was finally ready to leave and you can go watch other episodes about why I was leaving or yeah, other.

Mercedes Swan (11:38.219)
shows other things about why I was leaving. I went down the same path in talent acquisition, but I knew that I was much more interested in DEI, and so I tried to, I tried to jam my passion for diversity, equity, and inclusion into an HR role, and my job search was terrible. It was awful. I like, why am I doing this to myself, first of all? And so then it wasn't until I finally figured out, you see how I like to do things the hard way?

Don't do it the hard way, ladies. Okay? Don't do that. So anyway, I ended up really chasing this talent acquisition manager job and it was unsuccessful and as soon as I realized that I actually didn't want that, I started to pursue DEI roles and I was just getting interview after interview after interview after interview after interview. So I know that this is a challenging job market, but some of y'all.

is a product of the market and some of y'all is because you're not going where you need to go. Some of y'all it's a product of the market and for some of y'all it's not where you're supposed to be going. All right. In this case, I think that I thought I was unworthy for a DEI job because I hadn't done it in that way before. But when I really took time to prove to myself that I was worthy of a diversity job,

I showed up different, I had a new resume, I interviewed with confidence, right? And that led me to my role and where I wanted to be. And so, yeah, don't give up on that. Okay, the third one, I thought I messed up on my notes. The third one is that you're choosing the wrong job, which is very similar to choosing the wrong job.

But this is different where it is related to the toxic job search cycle because in the toxic job search cycle, it's not that you are in the wrong field or path, like you know what your purpose and your passion is, but you just keep selecting the toxic job or the wrong leader and that's because you don't believe that that experience is possible. You don't believe that there are workplaces where you can thrive and where you can be successful and where you can love what you do and you can be promoted and you can get the raises and all the things.

Mercedes Swan (13:50.182)
Okay, and the work-life balance, okay? That's what I want you, that's what the career love mission is. For you as a black woman to know that that's possible, okay? And so some of us, we just choose the wrong job because we don't think it's possible, we're not willing to wait, we're not willing to do the internal work to say, I know that this is where I wanna go, this is who I wanna be, so let me make sure I get there and not keep picking employers that are going to undervalue you. Some of you have seen the red flags in the interviews and your job search and you have still gone for that job.

That's what I'm saying. So wrong career path, maybe a wrong job. Okay, so now it's time to talk about business. So I think in the same way that sometimes we pick careers out of a place of lack and a place of unworthiness, we also pick businesses based on that. I've gotten so much feedback around some of the business owners in my life that are like, well, can you really have a business that only serves black women? And I can. And I do.

And so I had a business before that's called HR for Millennials. Well, technically it's the same business. I just changed the name. And the business was HR for Millennials. And it wasn't because I was like, no, I can't work with black women. was, anyway, there's lots of identity issues way back when where I didn't feel black enough. That's another story. Okay. And so that would have never been like a realization for me to make that this is my path at the time. But anyway, so I was...

So my business was HR for Millennials and my goal was to use my skills in HR to help Millennial professionals. Haha! It was like cute, right? Except it wasn't and I didn't like working with Millennial professionals. In fact, I was always happiest when I was working with black women and so therefore it is. Okay, and that's why I'm talking about alignment. But I think some of us will hear the alignment and we will not go for it because we're afraid.

Right? Or we feel like that's not possible, which I think is something, it deals with unworthiness because why couldn't it be you that makes it possible? Why couldn't you be the person that works it out? You could. I mean, go for it, right? And I'm not saying that we want to make bad decisions, but I'm saying like, what is the alignment? Because alignment means purpose, which means it's already written, which means it's your path, right? And so if that is the case, there is nothing that's going to stop you. There's no one, nothing that's going to stop you from getting to where you are.

Mercedes Swan (16:10.768)
And if you are hearing something, and sometimes we're hearing something that's meant to take us on a particular path, like I absolutely know that I was meant to go on that particular path to have the clarity that I have today. I don't mean that you can't figure it out along the way, but what I'm saying is go for it and it'll all figure its way out. But here are some of the things that I feel like are keeping you out of alignment and maybe feeling a little unworthy in your business. Okay, the first one is that you have services or a business model that you don't quite enjoy.

And so when I started my business, I knew that resume writing services were always the thing. people will pay you good money, sometimes a ridiculous amount of money to update a resume. And like I get it, like there is an art to resume writing. I'm not telling you that. I know that I write a mean resume, okay? But resume writing is extremely draining for me because I have to actually put my whole mind.

into somebody else's brand and their energy and how they show up. It's almost like, I don't know, being a ghost writer. And like, I'm not saying that it's a hard thing for some people, that that's like what they really love all the time. And I love branding. love, I help, I love, my favorite thing about writing a resume is for a black woman to see who she truly is from my eyes as an executive recruiter. Like, I love that.

but it is draining to kind of like work through that and write a whole resume, the attention to detail, the thought process, like every bullet, right? And even now it's a lot easier with like AI and stuff. Shout out to Blizz AI, okay, my AI resume writer. But like it's still a little challenging, right? I'm not gonna lie to you. For me at least. And so I had to go from a space where I said, hey,

I'm offering all these bundles and services about helping to write resumes because it's lucrative, but it's very draining and again, doesn't allow me to show up as my best self in my life and also for my clients, right? So that was one of the first things that I kind of did away with as I launched into my full-time business journey in January, right? It's still offered, right, for clients who are in my 90-day programs or for my mentees and things like that, but I didn't want one of those, like, hit it in quitting.

Mercedes Swan (18:29.34)
Hit it and quit it writing, right? And also, I mean, you gotta have a great resume, but if you're not in the mindset behind that resume, causes other issues in your job search, right? So all my clients have the mindset and the resume pieces. Okay. Anyway, so you might be doing services that you don't wanna do, okay? And that's not a business in alignment because then you're gonna grow and grow and grow. You're either gonna be burnt out or you're gonna get to a stage where you're like, okay, I got all this revenue, it's good.

but now I don't wanna do this, now I have to rebuild. You know I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Then you feel really attached and have to continue that. It's not fun. It's not fun for anybody. Okay. Number two is serving the wrong person. Now, I know that there is very much an art to identifying your ideal client, right? It took me many years to figure out who my ideal client was. If I start from when I launched my business all the way in 2018 and I said my ideal client was millennials, right? That is very different from,

purpose, passion-driven black women today, right? It took me a long time to get that clarity, but now I know, if I, like sometimes I get myself because I have to get on myself because I can almost at this point finish sentences for black women in terms of what the questions that they're going to ask me about their career, some of the challenges that they are having, and people are like, girl, you get out of my head, like, leave me alone, get off my neck, leave my edges alone.

But it's just because I have had so many conversations and meetings and content and all of these things with black women that I just know how we show up and a lot of that is due to workplace trauma, but we'll talk about that later. And so it because my love of black women in this space like I know who I'm supposed to show up and serve like and I love every minute of it like it is deeply rewarding for me because I feel like I've learned so much that I just know other black women haven't had it.

to like that is what it is point blank and so all of that being said like I love it and I know that I love it and if you are serving people that you aren't quite sure that you love then maybe you're not serving the right people right if you are having a hard time speaking to the people that you want to work with not because you don't know what they need or how they or what challenges they're going with

Mercedes Swan (20:52.904)
but you just don't actually enjoy showing up to a meeting with them or training or whatever. That might mean that they're not your ideal client and you need to figure out who is. Who do you love working with? Okay, and the last one in your business is playing small. And I think that most relates to me right now in terms of the changes that I was telling you about how I was feeling in my business, right? And I feel like...

playing small often means that we have this dream or this vision that we have for this business or we have something that we really wanna do, but we don't think it's possible because we don't think we're worthy of making it happen. Okay, all of this is wrapped up in worthiness. And so we just, we shrink the vision, right? And so for me, right now I sit here with clarity that career love is a movement. I want black women.

to understand their worth and go for what they want in their career or their business and do the thing and exit the workplace and live the life that she wants to live. That is a mission. And I feel like, yes, it's this big mission, but was I actually playing small by saying, I'll just help a couple hundred people each year as a coach? Yeah, girl, you was playing small. Okay.

What would this look like in a couple years to have a full black woman approved career love consultancy? Helping organizations across the world be better employers to black women. What would that look like for legislation to come out to support black women in the workplace? What would advocacy look like? What would it look like to have a foundation that helps black women's career empowerment? Yeah.

These are all on the vision board, okay? Okay? And I'm manifesting it here with you, right? We're gonna come back to this video years from now. Maybe not even gonna be years, okay? Maybe a couple months, no, just kidding. Everything takes time and divine alignment. But yeah, what do all of those things look like and what is a vision? my gosh, I can't wait. I cannot wait until I do my very first black woman bliss retreat. You heard it here first. So all of these things are on the roadmap for me and I'm getting like a little...

Mercedes Swan (23:06.0)
because I'm really excited about this vision. It is a big vision, but it's something that I know I'm gonna be able to do and I know it's my calling. So I'm sharing this with you all because I'm an open book, but y'all go watch me do it. Okay, so I've shared a lot from a career and a business standpoint of some of the ways that unworthiness might be showing up for you and I hope that you really take time to think about some of these things and say, hey, what is showing up for me? But as a piece of advice for you,

I would say that the first step of really examining this is acceptance of the dream and acceptance of what you really want because I think We don't take time to accept it. We might hear it. We might think it we might dream it We might feel like it's a far-off thing, but we're we don't feel worthy unless we accept that that's our dream and that it's possible And so right now I'm sitting here thinking and believing and knowing Knowing that this is happening. Okay

that everything that I've just outlined and said and spoken will come to pass, right? And I want that for you too. And I want you to leave this podcast episode asking yourself, what is my identity today and what is my ideal identity, right? And does it feel scary moving from where you are right now to where you wanna be, what the dream is?

what you feel like is your purpose, your calling, all of those things. I think that the extent to which we walk in and accept and follow our purpose is the extent that we allow others to do the same. And so I really want you to ask yourself, what is it that I've been fearful of? What vision of myself have I been running from? And what have I been unwilling to accept about my own desires and things that I'm really...

like excited and passionate about doing what I know that the world really wants but I have just been yeah, ignoring that. So you've probably heard me mention manifestation this entire time but I've really been putting in the work to make sure that I can bring this dream into fruition so that I can truly live out my calling and my purpose to support black women in the career love movement slash mission slash coach slash community slash whatever.

Mercedes Swan (25:29.992)
But what I would say is that I am really working on that identity work. Like making sure that I feel like I am worthy and capable and that I am the person who is able to do this. And that takes a lot of mindset work and a lot of shifts internally, including reflection, which would be the other part of that. And so I'm trying to take this time to just not do only like the spiritual reflection of myself and how I'm moving and how I'm showing up and what I'm doing each day.

but also just to make sure that I'm loving on myself and that I'm spending time in meditation and just really giving myself the space and time to expand and transform the person that I am today into the person that I know I'm meant to be and like really walking her path because that's what it's gonna take to do all the things that I just mentioned. And the other thing that I'm doing is really just like self exploration, right? So in the past I've done things like, you know, my Myers-Briggs, Gallup, I know y'all be asking about the enneagram. I don't like that.

I didn't like it, okay? But I just have been taking some time to just reflect and explore some of my personality types, but the one that I've been really interested in really lately and that I'm going to dive back into is human design and just really see and make sure that I'm showing up as my full self and really respecting my boundaries and what I want and what I need out of my life. And the last thing that I'm really practicing is detachment and it is so, so hard.

But a lot of times if we have a big vision, a dream, a goal, whether that's to exit the workplace or get the promotion or the next job, whatever it is that is in alignment and within our black woman bliss, we get really attached to that and then we don't enjoy the journey. We get really frustrated when we don't see it happen. And I say we because I mean me too, okay? And it's really painful sometimes, but what I'm really trying to do is say, I'm going on the journey. I'm loving, I'm learning, I'm doing, I'm being present.

And I know that all of this is already in my path. I know it's already been written. I know I'm already called to do these things and so therefore it will come to pass. And I just need to be patient and go on my journey. And every day is a practice at that, okay? So if you're not there yet with feeling like, I'm letting it go, I'm following the journey, just try and just be okay either way and be grateful for where you are. And that's where I am too.

Mercedes Swan (27:45.056)
Okay love, I hope you really enjoyed this episode. This is the first solo episode in a long time and I'm really excited to talk about where I am and where you are. And so I would love to know in the comments how you're feeling. What is that big dream that you have? What is it that is causing you to feel a little bit unworthy of it? And what are some of the things that you're gonna do to try and move past that? I absolutely wanna know, let me know. And if you wanna join me in the conversation for more about

worthiness and growth and really just self exploration so that you can pursue your passion. I would love for you to join me in the career love community. There will be information below in the show notes to join me. You can join as a free member or a paid member and get access to all of the things that are going to help you move forward in your career and business. And of course, I want to want attention from me like group coaching and co working all the fun things that we have in the group. So for this entire theme, I have been asking black women one question.

And that is what would you do today if you knew that you were worthy? And I would love for you to ask the question below and I will see you for the next episode. I have some more exciting guests coming up. So bye, make sure you follow, like, subscribe and I hope that you do your black woman blister, okay? Okay, go live your best life or go feel worthy of all of the things, all the things that you desire and you want. Bye.